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RavenStar · Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject: Church Notices

These are so funny ~ Enjoy

They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with
typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in
the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
----------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid
of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your
husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled
due to a conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
----------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the
choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
----------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in
the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
----------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you want remembered.
----------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
-------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to
follow.
-----------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
-----------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to
sin.
-------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.
S. Is done.
-----------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday.
-----------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please
use the back door.
----------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited
to attend this tragedy.
-----------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

SageCat · Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 9:54 pm Post subject:

Excellent stuff!

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Koko · Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 4:43 am Post subject:

My favorite...

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
_________________
"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

firestorm · IX - The Hermit Joined: 01 Nov 2007 Posts: 217

Thanks R/S they are brill
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firestorm

Minty · Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 5:23 pm Post subject:

Koko · Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 12:19 am Post subject:

There are just so many that are so great and...I feel some might be true.

_________________
"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France