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Riktor48 · Admin Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Posts: 1286 Location: Essex, UK

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

1 Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2 Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

3 If you see husband along the way, cover exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

4 Look at your womanly physique in mirror and stick out gut so you can complain and whine even more about getting fat.

5 Get in shower.

6 Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

7 Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

8 Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

9 Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil.

10 Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

11 Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

12 Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

13 Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure it has all come off).

14 Shave armpits and legs.

15 Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

16 Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and you lose the water pressure.

17 Turn off shower.

18 Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.

19 Spray mold spots with Tilex.

20 Get out of shower.

21 Dry with towel the size of a small African Country.

22 Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

23 Check entire body for remotest sign of a zit.

24 Attack with nails/tweezers if found.

25 Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

26 If you see husband along the way, cover up exposed areas, then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

1 Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed and leave them in a pile.

2 Walk naked to the bathroom.

3 If you see your wife along the way, shake your bits at her and make "woo" sound.

4 Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no).

5 Admire your 'size' in the mirror, scratch "privates" and smell fingers for one last whiff.

6 Get in the shower.

7 Don't bother to look for washcloth (you don't use one).

8 Wash face, then armpits.

9 Crack up at how loud fart sounds in the shower.

10 Wash privates and surrounding area.

11 Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.

12 Shampoo hair (do not use conditioner).

13 Make a shampoo Mohawk.

14 Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

15 Pee (in the shower).

16 Rinse off and get out of the shower.

17 Fail to notice water on floor because you left curtain hanging out of tub the whole time.

18 Partially dry off.

19 Look at self in the mirror, flex muscles.

20 Admire 'size' again.

21 Leave shower curtain open, wet bath mat on floor.

22 Leave bathroom fan and light on.

23 Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

24 If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your bits, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.

25 Throw wet towel on the bed.

26 Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
_________________
Learn from the birds what food the thickets yield; Learn from the beasts the physic of the field; The arts of building from the bee receive; Learn of the mole to plough, the worm to weave. (Alexander Pope - Essay on Man)

RavenStar · Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:25 pm Post subject:

Yep ~ that sounds just about right!!

Riktor48 · Admin Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Posts: 1286 Location: Essex, UK

Present company excepted of course......... LOL Sign

_________________
Learn from the birds what food the thickets yield; Learn from the beasts the physic of the field; The arts of building from the bee receive; Learn of the mole to plough, the worm to weave. (Alexander Pope - Essay on Man)

Koko · Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:00 am Post subject:

And we know this how??? Do you have anyone to support this theory of yours??? I do soooo agree with this one. It is fairly true, but I have to admit that I take the fastest showers of the family and I have those willing to support this...
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"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

sethur · VII - The Chariot Joined: 09 Oct 2007 Posts: 113

The male bit is too detailed; it should be:

1. Take clothes off and leave in pile on top of loo seat

2. Wash body and hair with whatever the last woman to use shower left behind

3. Dry everything with whatever towel the last woman to use shower left behind

4. Dress in same dirty clothes from top of loo seat.

Steve W

RavenStar · Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:31 pm Post subject:

Now Steve ~ THAT sounds more like it

Minty · Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 3:42 pm Post subject:

_________________

Koko · Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 2:45 am Post subject:

Yup...that it does...
_________________
"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

Riktor48 · Admin Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Posts: 1286 Location: Essex, UK

Agreed! We chaps prefer the simple, uncomplicated things in life....................!

_________________
Learn from the birds what food the thickets yield; Learn from the beasts the physic of the field; The arts of building from the bee receive; Learn of the mole to plough, the worm to weave. (Alexander Pope - Essay on Man)

SageCat · Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 12:28 pm Post subject:

Thanks for the laugh Rik!